The Very Reason Why Squidward Hates Squilliam
by KirbyKitten456
Summary: So, we all know that Squidward hates Squilliam right? Well, Squidward is here to tell you why in this slashy oneshot! Squid/Squill with hints of Squid/Sponge.


**A/N: A Squid/Squill monologue. With some vague hints of Squid/Sponge. So yeah, we all know that Squidward "hates" Squilliam, don't we? Yeah, that's why you obsess over him so much, Squiddy. Don't think we don't know your secret. XD **

**So, I picked M for the rating, because I didn't want there to be complaints over the language use. I've seen some T rated fics with the F-word but I wanted to be on the safe side. ^^ **

**Enjoy! C:  
**

Squidward hated Squilliam. He hated everything about him. His wealth. His personality. And of course that unibrow. That fucking unibrow that he always used to seduce people with. It might not even be for seducing people. It could be for other things, but Neptune knows Squidward didn't need those thoughts in his mind.

All he knew(and other people he vented these kinds of things to) was that he HATED him. Ever since he broke his precious, non-talented little heart in high school. That fateful(and cliched) Romeo and Juliet way that they would use, sneaking around after class in hopes that nobody would ever find out. They couldn't possibly ruin their precious little social statuses, even though Squidward's was barely the size of a grain of sand. But of course Squilliam had plenty of reason to hide. He was rich. He was one of the most popular people in school. Why? Why when he was such a jackass priss to the people he hung around with? . . . Neither him or Squidward really knew, to be perfectly honest. Maybe it was because he was rich. Neptune knows that nowadays he was being used for his wealth. Stepped on, and used like an old burlap sack.

Where was he?

Oh yeah, him and Squilliam dated in high school.

_Him. _And _Squilliam. _

The words together tasted like bile.

Getting back to his thoughts, he actually wonders now if they were caught intentionally. If Squilliam set the whole thing up. It sure would be something like him to do. Backstab him. As he's done many, many times.

Long story short, they kissed(no, made out) the bell rang, students came out, they saw, and Squilliam turned his back on Squidward. Denying they ever did anything together. Yeah, right. They just saw them FUCKING KISSING. But of course, being the idiots they were, they believed the jerkass with the credibility. Because, of course, a kind-hearted(Yes, he was at the time. Confusing, right?) gentle person was just too much for his group of peers to handle. Although at this point, they were his nemesis.

And yes, he got beat up. Beat to a quivering pulp that day, and almost every day after that. And did Squilliam help him through any of this? Of course not, he'd rather be with his robotic followers.

Wait. How did he get from simply hating Squilliam, to describing almost half of his backstory? Of course it was because of his hate for him. Like love. The people you love and hate, you could go on and on for hours talking about them until you're so off-topic it isn't even funny.

Love.

That's also a word that tasted like bile. To Squidward at least.

Yeah he had fallen in love once. No, not with Squilliam. With many fish. But there was one in particular.

With . . .

With . . .

. . . Spongebob. That dorky little frycook/annoying neighbor of his. You know, the one with the bright red freckles and the bright blue eyes that shimmer and make each and every one of his expressions look irresistibly cute? The one that he claims to hate? Oh yeah, he doesn't hate him. In fact, they've been dating for about a year now. Why?

As is love, my friends.

Oh right, he just stated he hated love?

Well, with Spongebob . . . it was complicated. That damn smile, those thick, girly eyelashes, and of course those eyes . . . Those . . . eyes . . .

It was his perfect characteristics that got the better of him. How much the sponge claimed to love him. Nobody in the world could ever love a person as much as Spongebob did to Squidward. He knew why.

Spongebob felt guilty. He was sure of it(almost. Squidward's judgment wasn't particularly the best). Spongebob felt guilty that Squidward was so poor(In wealth and other aspects) that he decided one summer afternoon to "confess his love". And yes, that was how he put it that day.

It was too out of the blue. Too out of the blue to be true. Too true to be blue. . . . Now he was just screwing with his mind.

But either way, he knew how big a guilty conscious Spongebob had. He always had to help those in need. And a broken down, depressed cephalopod was just the kind of person he could help. And by help, he meant . . . well, you can figure it out.

But that didn't mean he didn't enjoy having Spongebob by his side. He could be swayed easily, which was convenient when Squidward wanted to stay in when Spongebob wanted to go out and viceversa. Yeah, he felt bad for manipulating his little mind, but honestly, who wouldn't if you were to date someone like him?

Squidward felt it was a forced relationship. It was only for the pleasure of both of them, not the actual connection. He knew that Spongebob would probably be better off with that other dumb neighbor of his. Patrick. They practically acted like one before, so Squidward was obviously taken aback when the sponge had asked him. But either way, he knew that if he broke it off, then this would just lead to tears. Pools of them. Possibly even rivers. Spongebob was quite renowned for his crying fests, and not being able to stop when he started up. And Squidward despised seeing him cry. The poor innocent thing. Plus when those exuberant blue eyes welled up . . .

. . .Wait. . .

Wasn't this originally about Squilliam?

And how much Squidward hated him?

Oh yeah . . .

See? This is what hate does to people. It makes them abruptly go off topic by the end of their rant.

So, yes. Squidward was dating a person he didn't really love. And Squilliam was absolutely jealous.

No, not really. But that's what Squidward wanted.

So. You could say he was dating Spongebob to make Squilliam jealous.

And yes, he felt terrible about it. And he wished he had the guts to break it off with him. But again, the tears. And those _damn. blue. eyes. _

Why did he want to make Squilliam jealous? Well, he wanted to break, no, SHATTER, no, OBLITERATE his perfect little heart. And make him see just how much he did the same to his. But of course, he barely ever saw him, and when he did, he didn't give a crap. He could care less. He had better things to do. Like go sit alone in his big, empty mansion. . . . Just why was Squilliam better than Squidward, again? He had nobody to live with, he had no friends. At least Squidward had friends. Or _**a**_ friend.

Speaking of where Squilliam lived . . . he didn't live anywhere near Squidward. He lived in a high-class town called Bottoms Up that was about 50 miles away from Bikini Bottom. So he almost never saw him. Except when Squilliam decided to "visit" him those few times. Good thing he found time from his precious schedule just so he could take a bus to torture Squidward.

So, this is about three pages describing just how much Squidward hates Squilliam(Well, two and a half maybe. Since one half was used for Spongebob . . .). He could go on for about another 20 pages if he really wanted to, but he doesn't.

Because he hates him.

Hates every single cell occupied on his body.

Because. . .(Here we go with the list).

He broke his heart.

He's a snob.

He hates people lower than him.

He refuses to make friends. He treats them like objects, as if you could buy or sell them.

He always wears that insipid, maroon bathrobe as if he's too amazing to put on a pair of freaking pants,

He broke his heart.

He treats people like crap.

He's never truly loved anybody in his life.

He acts like nothing is wrong when it is.

He lies whenever possible.

He acts like everyone has to bow down to him.

He thinks everyone loves him, when they really don't.

He thinks he's the best thing since canned bread.

And-

"Well, Squiddy, I'm glad you finally convinced yourself to do this." Squilliam murmured, lifting himself from the covers that he and Squidward sat under. His beautiful unibrow was ruffled.

Squidward sat up as well, a more disturbed look on his face as he attempted to calm himself from what had just occurred.

"You weren't as fun as this when we were in high school." He said, seductively raising his unibrow. "But I guess we all mature with time, eh?"

Shaky. Squidward was so shaky. Did he really just. . . . .

Oh yeah, the reasons Squidward hates Squilliam?

Well number one would have to be . . .

That . . .

He just popped his cherry.


End file.
